What It Means When You Feel Heavy
“Feeling Fat”
First, before we dig in, I want to mention that I specifically chose the words “feeling heavy” vs.“feeling fat” because “fat” is not an actual feeling. Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions around larger bodies and those labeled as “fat”. Taking care of yourself and living your healthiest lifestyle should be centered around your behaviors, actions and mindset. This does not guarantee that you will have a smaller framed body. So many times when one is in a larger body/viewed as fat, they are also viewed as unhealthy. The reason this association exist is because we have been told as a society that weight and health go hand-in-hand. This is far from the case.
In today’s post, I’d like to talk about underlying feelings when we all of a sudden “feel heavy” out of nowhere but it’s important you remember to veer away from utilizing the phrase, “I feel fat.”
Why We Feel Heavy
When you feel heavy, it usually has nothing to do with your body. It has to do with some underlying issue that is probably uncomfortable to confront. Our body is usually our “go-to” outlet when it comes to feeling the need for control. You had a bad day at work and didn’t receive the promotion so all of a sudden you feel heavy. You don’t like the way your pants fit, you think your shirt makes you look “frumpy”. You spiral into negative self-talk and pretty soon it turns into a spiral of emotional eating or restriction. What is the answer for most people when they dislike their body? Dieting. What is one of the most harmful things one could do to create a disordered relationship with food and exercise? Dieting. What ends up lowering self-confidence in the end because of unrealistic expectations? Dieting.
My Own Recognition
I recognize I am a white, straight, cis, "normal" sized female (in our societal views) and so body respect/body neutralization comes more natural to me. But I still have my moments. Like when I “matched” with a guy on Bumble who I was ecstatic to meet. We went on a couple dates and I already start fantasizing spending the holidays with each other's family. I recognized that I treated myself better (and thus felt better about my body) when he was around. I was so excited for someone to give me attention because I don't give myself attention (universal lesson, don't rely on others for contentment). He ended up calling it off and I felt discouraged by myself and my body. This entire situation of course had nothing to do with my body. What was really going on is the recognition that I needed to keep growing in the “self-respect/validation” department when it came to romantic relationships.
Other times, it is so discrete, I find myself reaching for a "safe" food because I feel lack of control over the future (“What if this doesn’t work out?” “What if I am not qualified for this?” “I have to move again?”) and thus I want control over my food aka control over my weight (fat phobic society doesn't help either).
These realizations? They're uncomfortable, hell, they're uncomfortable to write. But they're introspective and that will help me more than a diet (body manipulation) ever would.
The Next Time you feel Heavy
So, the next time you “feel heavy” ask yourself, “Has something upset me?”, “Am I uncomfortable confronting someone/something?”, “Do I need to talk to someone but have too much ego in doing so?”, etc.
Then, show some compassion for yourself because you’re recognizing the ways in which you need to help yourself.
xxx,
Allison
